Bored.....thought this was funny!

[Da Boss]

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday
when he challenged a court ruling over whom should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt
beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with
her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents,
the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to West Ham United, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

[Da Boss]

Three Scousers and three Mancs are travelling by train to a football match
in London At the station, the three Mancs each buy a ticket and watch as
the three Scousers buy just one ticket between them.
" How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Mancs.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Scousers.

They all board the train. The Mancs take their respective seats but all
three Scousers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly
after the train has departed, the conductor arrives to collect the tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Mancs are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Scousers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip...To their astonishment, the Scousers don't buy a ticket at all !!
" How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed
Mancunian.
" Watch and learn..." says one Scouser.

When they board the train the three Mancs cram into a toilet and soon
after the three Scousers pile into another nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Scousers leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the Mancs are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."

[Da Boss]

Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him if he as much as mantioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, " What a beautiful baby.
" The mother said, " Why, thank you, little Johnny. "
Johnny said, " He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. "
" Can he see ? " asked little Johnny.
" Yes " , the mother replied, " we are so thankful, the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.
" That's great " , said little Johnny, " cuz he'd be f----d if he needed glasses "

[david]

Ok, so im a newb on the forum and thought i'd kick things off with a joke.

Pavorotti died broke, so they launched a fund raising campaign to pay for his funeral.

Its called - "stick a tenor in the box"

[david]

Thought id add this aswell, think i sent i to neil already.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDXahY5rtyI


P.S. Ben can we embed videos on here?[url][/url]

[saundersben]

yes, but my web page building knowledge does stretch that far yet! i have a video too, but never got round to learning how to put it up! any help appreciated...
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